1. Morecambe Football Club is in fact highly profitable, it just needs the literal black hole closing. (I think it's in the gents' loo in the Wright & Lord suite.)
2. Joseph Cala is indeed the messiah - after all, have you noted his initials? He will save us all.
3. The people of Morecambe are actually keen to support the club in their thousands, they just can't find the way to the ground, and get lost somewhere around the York Hotel - we need more signs to help them, and a pub or two along the route wouldn't go amiss.
4. Crowds are, in any case, the highest in League 2, it's just the mechanism for recording them that's faulty.
5. This is why JC can spend 90% of turnover on football, as that's the net profit.
(No offence is intended to any person living, dead, or as yet unsure. The views expressed in the foregoing are purely the views of a poltergeist who has temporarily taken control of my keyboard, and do not in any way relate to the views of myself, my friends, family, business associates, neighbours or other Shrimpsvoices, unless of course they admit it!
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