Alternative Facts

Alternative Facts

Postby Phil Anderer » Tue Jan 31, 2017 8:58 am

In the manner of certain individuals who are tasked with speaking to the media elsewhere in the world, and in the absence of any positive news, I decided to create some 'alternative facts' to fit the situation as we want it to be.

1. Morecambe Football Club is in fact highly profitable, it just needs the literal black hole closing. (I think it's in the gents' loo in the Wright & Lord suite.)

2. Joseph Cala is indeed the messiah - after all, have you noted his initials? He will save us all.

3. The people of Morecambe are actually keen to support the club in their thousands, they just can't find the way to the ground, and get lost somewhere around the York Hotel - we need more signs to help them, and a pub or two along the route wouldn't go amiss.

4. Crowds are, in any case, the highest in League 2, it's just the mechanism for recording them that's faulty.

5. This is why JC can spend 90% of turnover on football, as that's the net profit.

(No offence is intended to any person living, dead, or as yet unsure. The views expressed in the foregoing are purely the views of a poltergeist who has temporarily taken control of my keyboard, and do not in any way relate to the views of myself, my friends, family, business associates, neighbours or other Shrimpsvoices, unless of course they admit it! ;) )
The 3 rules of Fascism:
1. Make stuff up;
2. Scream it loudly;
3. Kill people.
(copyright Eddie Izzard)
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Re: Alternative Facts

Postby mrpotatohead » Tue Jan 31, 2017 9:15 am

Staff will be checking their bank balances online around 10.01 this morning , if the lights aren't on at lunchtime...........
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you're in prison.
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Re: Alternative Facts

Postby John L » Tue Jan 31, 2017 11:25 am

Phil Anderer wrote:In the manner of certain individuals who are tasked with speaking to the media elsewhere in the world, and in the absence of any positive news, I decided to create some 'alternative facts' to fit the situation as we want it to be.

...

2. Joseph Cala is indeed the messiah - after all, have you noted his initials? He will save us all.

3. The people of Morecambe are actually keen to support the club in their thousands, they just can't find the way to the ground, and get lost somewhere around the York Hotel - we need more signs to help them, and a pub or two along the route wouldn't go amiss.




His first name is also Joseph, which is a good name for anyone to be associated with MFC. ;)

Since the ground move, there's hardly been anyone around the York Hotel, lost or otherwise, but that's another story... and it's reopening in March under new owners anyway!
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